I knew that this morning I was going to be laid off/fired. I felt it last week when I was asked to leave a client that this meant the end of my tenure with the firm that I have worked with since September 11, 2001.
I do not know what happened at my client. I am not sure why they wanted me to leave and I do not think that I will ever be given a clear sense of what I did to cause them to be unhappy, but I do know that it will take me a while to come to terms with it and the loss of my job.
I am struck by how much I have let my job define me over the last years. I work increadibly hard and often this means that I often am giving up parts of myself to make that happen. I don't know that I truly understood just how much of myself I had given up over the last few years. This makes me very unhappy.
When I was walking home from the meeting with our CEO, I spent some time wondering what I could do to start moving this forward today. I am exhausted. I will likely not do anything productive for a few weeks if not more and I still have to figure out my severence package details, but the one thing that I knew I could do easily was start to write about what I was going through.
I am seeing this all as an opportunity to not only find another job, but to find another career. A career that I love, that I want to go to everyday and that I am proud to do. As you will see in future posts, I have a number of hurdles to climb over to figure that out, but I will get there. Having faith in that, while being in this much shock, feels like all I have right now.
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I know you are almost one week into your layoff, but this post from a blog called "Clue Wagon" is great (alas, the blogger is no longer writing it, but she's leaving it up for a time).
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cluewagon.com/2009/12/9-things-to-do-in-your-first-week-of-unemployment/
I wish you luck in this journey!